Say the Right Thing By G.C. Thornley

Class 07 English

This is a humorous play in which a mother advises her daughter to say the right thing at the right time. However, when guests arrive, the daughter hilariously forgets her mother’s guidance.

Read the play to find out how she commits blunders and embarrasses the guests as well as her mother.

Characters

Mary Shaw: a young girl

Mrs. Shaw: Mary’s mother

Mrs. Harding: the wife of Mr. Harding, a wealthy man

Mrs. Lee: Mr. Harding’s married sister

Scene I

Mrs. Shaw : The room looks cleaner now. Put that coat away in your bedroom. This room isn’t the place for coats. Mrs. Harding and Mrs. Lee will soon be here, and they don’t want to see that.

Mary : You’re always telling me to put things away.

Mrs. Shaw : Yes, I am. You leave your clothes all over the house.

Mary : I’m not a child!

Mrs. Shaw : No, you’re not. So please keep your clothes in your own room.

Mary : Why are those two women coming here? Who’s Mrs. Harding?

Mrs. Shaw : She’s the wife of a wealthy man, Mr. Harding. He has just bought a big house in Lanfield. They lived in London before. She’s coming to have a talk. I met her in a shop and asked her to come.

Mary : Oh, I’ve seen her children. They often come along the road. Who’s Mrs. Lee?

Mrs. Shaw : She’s Mr. Harding’s sister. She has been staying with them for a while.

Mary : What are you going to talk about?

Mrs. Shaw : I don’t know. All kinds of things. One day you’ll have to go to some of these houses yourself and talk to the people there.

Mary : I can talk now. I’ve been able to talk for a long time.

Mrs. Shaw : Yes, that’s true. You always talk too much. But does anyone want to hear the things that you say?

Mary : I can talk very well when I like. I’ll stay with you today and talk to them when they come.

Mrs. Shaw : Oh, I don’t think so. You can go out for a walk. It will be better if you do that.

Mary : Why?

Mrs. Shaw : If you stay with me, you may not say the right thing.

Mary : I know the right things to say: “Good afternoon”, “How are you?” and things like that. Let me stay today. I can do it very well. I’ll show you. Anyone can talk.

Mrs. Shaw : You may stay if you like. But take care. I want to know Mrs. Harding well. I want her to ask me to go to their house. There isn’t much to do here in Lanfield, and I want to know some more people. I want some more friends here. So take care when you say anything.

Mary : Tell me what to say.

Mrs. Shaw : I can’t tell you everything, but you’ll always be right if you’re kind to people. Say things that will please them. Then they’ll like you. Laugh a lot, and try to make them laugh too. And if everyone stops talking, say something to make them talk again. They don’t want to sit here and look at the floor without speaking. Think of something to say.

Mary : I can do that. There’s always something to say. Must I do anything else?

Mrs. Shaw : When they are ready to leave, don’t jump out of your chair and look gladly at the door. You must look sorry when they want to leave.

Mary : What shall I do when they want to go?

Mrs. Shaw : Ask them to stay a little while longer. Just say, “Must you go? Can’t you stay?” or something like that. You like them and you want them to stay, and you must let them understand that.

Mary : That’s not very hard, is it? I’ll remember that. “Must you go? Can’t you stay? Must you go? Can’t you stay?”

Mrs. Shaw : That’s right. Now take your coat to your room and change into a clean dress. You must look nice when they come. And if everyone stops talking, say something kind to make them talk again. And don’t say anything that will make them angry.

Mary : I will remember. I’ve often done harder things than this.

Scene II

Mrs. Shaw : So you like Lanfield, Mrs. Harding! I’m very glad.

Mrs. Harding : Yes, we like it very much. It’s not the same as London, but there are some very nice people here, and we’ve found a good house. (No one says anything more, and Mrs. Shaw looks at Mary.)

Mary : What beautiful children you have, Mrs. Harding! I’ve often seen them walking along the road.

Mrs. Harding : Oh, I haven’t any children.

Mary : Oh, yes, you have! I’ve seen them: a little boy and a little girl.

Mrs. Harding : (not very pleased) I have no children; believe me.

Mary: Oh!

Mrs. Shaw: (quietly) They must be someone else’s children. Have you met Mr. Best? He’s a nice man. He lives near you.

Mary: Oh, Mr. Best! He lives here and he works in London. He goes all the way to London by train every morning, and then he comes all the way back by train every night. He lives in trains! (she laughs) What kind of life is that? Why do people do things like that? They do not know how to live. And he reads two newspapers in the train every day. He never reads a book. But he’s only a banker, and bankers can’t think.

Mrs. Lee: My brother’s a banker. He goes to London by train every morning and comes back every night. He reads two newspapers in the train in the morning, and another every night.

Mary: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.

Mrs. Shaw: Bankers always have to read a lot of newspapers. Do you know Mrs. Best? She’s a nice woman. I like her.

Mary : But have you seen her clothes? She goes out in a blue dress with a red coat over it. (she laughs)

Mrs. Harding : I have a blue dress, and I often put on my red coat at the same time.

Mrs. Shaw: (quickly) I like blue dresses and red coats. (No one says anything.)

Mary: I saw Mrs. Cotter this afternoon. I met her in the street. No one sees her in the morning because she always stays in bed then. And she’s always asking the doctor to go to see her. I can’t understand women who stay in bed in the morning. And why must she always ask for the doctor? I’ve never been to a doctor in my life.

Mrs. Harding : I stay in bed in the morning myself.

Mrs. Lee : I often go to the doctor.

Mary : Oh, I’m sorry. (No one speaks.)

Mrs. Shaw : Do you know Mrs. Grantley? She’s one of my best friends.

Mary : But she’s so talkative! Talkative women aren’t very interesting, are they?

Mrs. Lee : My mother’s a very talkative woman.

Mary : Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. (No one says anything.)

Mary : (looking out of the window): Oh, there’s that dog again! It always looks very dirty. I don’t like dogs, do you? Who wants a dog? That dog’s always near our house. Why do people keep dogs? Who wants a dog? Why doesn’t its owner keep it clean? Have you seen it?

Mrs. Harding : (looking out of the window) Yes, I’ve seen it. That’s Towzer. It’s our dog.

Mary: (with a red face) Oh, I didn’t know! (No one speaks.)

Mary: (still looking out of the window) There’s Mr. Pomeroy on his horse. He’s always talking about horses. He rides a horse every day, and practises shooting. Why must he do that? What have they done to Mr. Pomeroy? Why do some men like horses more than they like people? It’s hard to understand men.

Mrs. Lee: My brother practises shooting when he has the time, and he rides his horse when he can. He sold his house in London and bought a house here because he wanted to ride and practise shooting.

Mrs. Harding : (looking at Mrs. Lee) It’s getting a little late. We must go now, Mrs. Shaw. It has been very nice to have a little talk. (She looks at Mary.)

Mrs. Lee: Very nice. (She looks at Mary.)

Mrs. Shaw: It was very good of you to come to see us. Please stay a little longer.

Mary: (unable to say the right thing even now) Oh, must you stay? Can’t you go?