If I Were You By Douglas James

Class 09 English

SCENE: A small cottage interior. There is an entrance back right (which may be curtained). Another door to the left must be a practical door. The furniture is simple, consisting of a small table towards the left, a chair or two, and a divan rather upstage on the right. On the table is a telephone.

(When the curtain rises Gerrard is standing by the table making a phone call. He is of medium height, and wearing horn-rimmed glasses . . . He is dressed in a lounge suit and a great coat. His voice is cultured.)

GERRARD : . .. Well, tell him to phone up directly. I must know . .. Yes, I expect I’ll still be here, but you mustn’t count on that ... In about ten minutes’ time. Right-ho. Goodbye.

(He puts down the phone and goes to the divan on the left, where there is a travelling bag, and starts packing. Whilst he is thus engaged, another man, similar in build to Gerrard enters from the right silently — revolver in hand. He is flashily dressed in an overcoat and a soft hat. He bumps accidentally against the table, and at the sound Gerrard turns quickly.)

GERRARD: (pleasantly) Why, this is a surprise, Mr— er —

INTRUDER: I’m glad you’re pleased to see me. I don’t think you’ll be pleased for long. Put those paws up!

GERRARD: This is all very melodramatic, not very original, perhaps, but...

INTRUDER: Trying to be calm and — er —

GERRARD: ‘Nonchalant’ is your word, I think.

INTRUDER: Thanks a lot. You’ll soon stop being smart. I’ll make you crawl. I want to know a few things, see.